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Morons on the Road

W

hat is it with people on the roads these days? There are so many morons on the road it drives me up the wall. Want some examples? Here’s a few from my driving experiences over the past couple of weeks…

One morning I’m on my way to work, and I have to drive down this two-lane highway to get to the major highway. I’m crusing along, going a little faster than the speed limit, when I realize I’m catching up to this car in front of me…. quickly. I slow down… and slow down some more…. and slow down some more…. until finally, I’m just inches off his back bumper and we’re going 15 miles per hour less than the posted speed limit. What the hell? If you want to go thirty miles an hour, go ride around in your field, you dumb redneck. Get the hell off the road and out of my way, I’m late to work! 45 mph is bad enough as it is! Who the hell would do such a stupid thing? It’s in the morning, during commute time… I mean, c’mon already.

Don’t you ever just want to yell “The gas pedal is on the right, dumbass?” I think I’m going to make a sign that says that, backwards and put it on my windshield. That way people can see it in their rearview mirrors when I’m behind them.

Another annoyance is those fuckers with fog lights on their SUVs. If there’s no fog out, TURN THE DAMN THINGS OFF. It doesn’t help you see anything any better… and all it does is blind me when you’re behind me… so I’m more likely to do something stupid and get you in an accident…. and since you ran into me from behind, it will be your fault. Don’t want to pay the insurance hike for that one, do you?

Another favorite is the asshat who won’t GO… they’re waiting to turn… and waiting to turn (doesn’t matter which direction)…. and they wait, and they wait, and they wait…. what the hell are you waiting for? An engraved fucking invitation? My 80+ year old grandmother who has glaucoma could have driven through that hole in traffic!

Have you ever been behind some annoying prick at a stoplight who just won’t hit the gas when the light turns green? It’s usually some woman who’s fussing with her fuck-trophy in the backseat, or putting on makeup…. sometimes it’s some fuckstick yapping on his cell phone, blissfully unaware of the light changing color.

Watching other commuters on their way to work is another favorite pasttime of mine… I like seeing how many things someone can do while driving. The record, I think is four things other than driving. I once saw a woman putting on makeup, talking on her cell phone (headset), drinking coffee (when not applying making) and reading the paper (attached to her steering wheel with clothespins) all while driving….

Here’s a novel thought… when you drive…. pay attention to your driving… not the other distractions! The life you save may be your own.

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