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Airport Rants

Today, I flew from the lovely Detroit Airport to Atlanta, which isn’t bad considering I flew on Northwest, which gets the better terminal than Delta. Last time I flew out of Detroit (which was on Delta), I had to go to this little crappy terminal that has no choice for meals except for a way overpriced Quizno’s Subs… unless you can make a meal out of Starbucks Coffee. I think I paid like $12.00 for a 6 inch sub and a drink. Ripoff.

Anyway, this time, I flew on Northwest… who apparently makes Detroit home. Therefore, they get the better terminal. This is the type of airport terminal you see in the movies. Nice fancy shops, an elevated mag-train taking people to their destinations, etc.

That was the only highlight of this visit to Detroit’s finest terminal. Let’s get into my rants for the day…

Attention Northwest Airlines - Welcome to the 90’s. They have invented such a thing as a computer. Learn how to use it and stop overbooking flights. I swear, literally every flight that took off from Detroit this afternoon from the time I arrived at my gate until I took off (including my own flight) was in an overbooked situation and they were looking for volunteers to fly at a different time. It’s amazing how I rarely hear that announcement on a Delta flight, and *never* hear that announcement on a AirTran flight. It’s no wonder Northwest is having financial difficulties, they don’t even know how many seats are on their damn airplanes, let alone how to use a computer to make sure they only fill the seats they’ve got. I was tempted to take the volunteer bump, but then I decided two hours of my time wasn’t worth a round-trip ticket on an airline I very rarely fly.

Attention TSA Agents - How fucking hard is it for you to put my ticket back in the ticket jacket? I give the ticket to you in the ticket jacket, I want the ticket to come back to me in the ticket jacket. Stopping to put my damn ticket back in the ticket jacket is just one more thing I have to do after getting damn near naked to pass through the metal detector. This slows down the line and makes security lines even more a pain in the ass… and you wonder why people bitch about how long it takes to get through security? Also, why can’t we be more consistant? There are several major airports that allow me to keep my New Balance tennis shoes on since they don’t contain metal. (therefore I have no shivs my in shoes), but then there’s a bunch of airports that make me take my shoes off unless I want “extra screening”… oh yes, I want you to feel my crotch and pat me down like a criminal just because you’re too stupid to understand I don’t have any metal in my shoes. Yet another pain in the ass you create to slow the line down. People who have shoes that are known to normally not contain metal shouldn’t have to take their fucking shoes off. If the sensor goes off, guess what? THEN you should have to go through extra screening.

I am so tempted to forego clothing on my next flight and just wrap myself nude in cling wrap. I wonder what the TSA agents would have to say about that. Take my cling wrap off? Hmmmm.

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