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How to Waste $72.16 or Being a Birdcatcher

Yesterday at work, I was sitting at my desk when someone from accounting told us that there was a bird (like the one in the picture) trapped in the accounting department. Being the curious sort we are, we decided to abandon work and go see the crazy bird flying through the accounting department. Of course people left doors open, hoping the bird would fly off into another room and eventually leave the building. But birds are incapable of that much though, as it would require flying through two doors that aren’t that closely connected.

Instead, I decided to be the hero and convince it to leave. So I looked for a net or a sheet or something with which to trap the bird. Finding nothing, I resorted to using a duster to chase the bird towards the exit.

Chasing a bird by yourself towards a door it doesn’t want to use is no easy task, so I called my friend J, who has birds at home and in my book is more of a bird expert than I. J decided to close the door that leads to our tech support area (and eventually, outside) and open the door between accounting and the file storage area (read: second floor of the warehouse). Between him with a broom and I with the duster, we attempted to chase the bird around the accounting office, and enraging the ire of the accounting women who told us we’d give the bird a heart attack and kill it. Then there was one who raised her umbrella in case the thing pooped on her.

Our little bird friend seemed attracted to the lights in the office, so we turned them off, lowered the blinds and the bird eventually was coaxed into the file storage room. Yes, one step closer to freedom. Our initial thought was the chase the bird down “the hole” where they use a fork-truck to raise pallets of paper up to the second story of the warehouse. But convincing a bird to go down when he sees a skylight above him is like convincing a starving man not to eat.

So, J called in another associate from his department, who came up with another broom, and the three of us chased the bird around the file storage room for the next 45 minutes and finally got it to go out the backdoor (which leads to the fire escape) instead of down through the warehouse.

So, three grown men all spent an hour apiece today at the office doing nothing more productive than chasing a bird out of the office so people wouldn’t worry about it starving to death. That’s a great use of $72.16 (what I figure our combined hourly wages are). Is this company great to work for or what?

Next time, little bird, please stay out of the office. I didn’t get ANYTHING done this afternoon because of you!

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