The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn’t help because I fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king-sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.
For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. I have been using the bathroom for years–canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.
The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat’s butt. I cannot stress this enough!
To pacify you my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:
Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Like to Complain About Our Pets:
1. They live here. You don’t.
2. If you don’t want hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.(That’s why they call it “fur”niture .)
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it’s an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours, and does not speak clearly.
Remember: Dogs and cats are better than kids because they: eat less, don’t ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive your car, don’t hang out with drug-using friends, don’t smoke or drink, don’t worry about having to buy the latest fashions, don’t wear your clothes , don’t need a gazillion dollars for college, and if they get pregnant, you can sell their children.
26/06/2005 at 1:37 pm Permalink
NTS: get the cats to come read this today…
Here via Michele’s this morning; I would’ve gotten here at some point to day on my own, though.
26/06/2005 at 2:03 pm Permalink
I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
Yeah that!
Good read 
26/06/2005 at 2:05 pm Permalink
Here, here! BTW, Michelle sent me.
26/06/2005 at 2:34 pm Permalink
Here today from Michele’s.
Your pets are simply amazing. I tried for years to teach my dachshund how to read, but no dice.
26/06/2005 at 2:37 pm Permalink
I have no pets but my kids like to claw and whine at the door to the john also. So far they have not yet smelled anyone elses bum before kissing me, but I shall be on the lookout for that.
Michele, my belle, rang your bell.
26/06/2005 at 6:30 pm Permalink
What a delightful post. I’ve long contended that pet people are simply better to be around than non-pet people. You’ve just validated it.
I’ll be smiling for a while.
BTW, Michele sent me back to your site. Isn’t she great?
26/06/2005 at 6:37 pm Permalink
“Fur”niture….haha……..I LOVE that line; may I steal it and say it to future guests in my house?
26/06/2005 at 6:58 pm Permalink
Hello, Michele sent me, and don’t worry, I got my cat’s permission to write this.
27/06/2005 at 11:51 am Permalink
no doubt
wish I could have pets at my aparment
15/09/2005 at 11:18 pm Permalink
This is wonderful and gave me a good laugh as well as making me reach out and give both my dogs a hug.