Marriage seems to be a dying institution. And I’m not referring to the recent interest in same-sex marriages (I’ll save my thoughts on that for a future post). I’m talking about the stereotypical heterosexual marriage. It’s dying. Recent surveys have shown that more than 60% of all marriages today will end in divorce within seven years. That’s a sad state of affairs for our country’s lifestyle.

I firmly believe that a lot of our societal problems are embedded in the fact that there is not a loving relationship between the mother and a father. There is no example to be set for today’s children (or even my generation). I believe that children are influenced by the personalities and presence of both the mother and the father. Kids need a father figure to look up to and a mother to nurture them.

The problem is that divorce is too easy and too acceptable these days. Whatever happened to “until death do us part?” I feel that most marital problems can be worked out without going to the extreme of divorce. There are the obvious exceptions: spousal abuse, adultery, or child abuse. But it’s too easy for people these days to say “Oh, we’ll just get a divorce if things don’t work out”. This attitude has turned out the term, Starter marriage, and created an environment where quick marriages and divorces are very commonplace. I know one woman who is 27 years old and is looking for husband number five. Yes, boys and girls, she’s been married four times: the first time at tender young age of 17, right after her high school graduation.

Another part of the problem is the rush to get married in the first place. People marry way too young, before they know what’s involved in an adult relationship. Once they go through their final “growing up” stage, they find that their “perfect spouse” is now no longer perfect and either wallow away in misery for the rest of their life, or get a divorce.

I don’t believe in divorce. My parents have been together for nearly 40 years… my grandparents nearly 70 before my grandfather died. Maybe I’m old fashioned that way, but I feel that marriage is a very special thing and isn’t something you casually walk into and then walk away from when things don’t go your way. I take that “until death do you part” phrase very seriously. It’s probably why I haven’t been married yet. I feel that with the few obvious exceptions I mentioned earlier, you can always work your marital problems out. People have done it for years… it shouldn’t be any different now.

Personally, I could have been married three times by now. Let me tell the stories (withholding names, as I know two of these three read my blog)…

The first chance came at 20-21. I was still quite young and didn’t have a lot of experience in long-lasting relationships. I had had my share of those “girlfriend of the month” type relationships in high school, but nothing serious like this. Sure, we had had our ups and downs like any other couple, the sex was great, but I felt a lot of pressure to get married. Every time she brought it up, it pushed me further away. I wasn’t sure if getting married was the right thing to do at that stage of my life or not. Ultimately, after about a year and a half, we broke up and went our separate ways.

The second chance came at 25. I was on top of my career, being just a few years out of college. She was getting ready to graduate from college. We’d been together for nearly two and half years. I was in a happy place in our relationship, we got along famously, had lots of fun together and by all appearances inside and out, we were the perfect couple. As her graduation loomed closer, she began looking for a job. Now with type of degree she would get, she could work just about anywhere… and at first she did look around here first, but ultimately, she began looking out of state. Maybe I had waited too long, but she had never once brought up the subject of marriage. By the time she had graduated, our relationship spiraled out of control and was soon over. I still wonder to this day what might have been…

With the third chance, I probably would have been getting married this year, or already very recently married. She was a lot younger than me (8 years difference), and we had dated for just over two years… but I had taken my current job after we had started dating, and she didn’t like the the fact that I travel *all the time*. We fought over that constantly, but still loved each other a lot (and of course, the sex was also great!) The marriage conversation had come up once or twice, but it was never a serious conversation as we both wanted her to concentrate on school. Other than the occasional fight over my travels, I thought things were going pretty good… then shortly after Valentine’s Day, she dropped the “I’m seeing someone else” bomb. I think in her mind, she wanted to tell me that, clear the air, get past it and stay with me… but cheating is one thing I can never forgive. Once that trust is broken, it can never be regained. I ended the relationship.

So, what do you think? Am I just old-fashioned? Am I the only one in the world who still values marriage as an affirmation of love for life between two people?

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