Leave it to current employer to screw up my last official business trip before I start my new job. Obviously the travel arrangers either hate me, or are pissed I’m not working on the road much anymore.

For my last trip, I’m headed to Mount Rushmore Rapid City, South Dakota… in order to get there, I’m flying United and changing planes in Denver on the way, and Chicago O’Hare on the way back. In Denver, I have a three hour layover after a three and a half hour trip from hell in one of those Regional Jets. Hey United! Atlanta to Denver isn’t a REGION… that’s practically CROSS FUCKING COUNTRY! Do you really think I want to squeeze my ass into one of those little tiny seats for nearly FOUR HOURS? Do you think the person NEXT to me wants to be shoehorned in between my ass and the wall of the plane (as I’m on the aisle… this time) for FOUR HOURS? What the fuck were you thinking?

Anyway, it gets worse…. from Denver to Rapid City, I’m on a flying deathtrap Dash 8, which is a tiny 37 seat airplane that doesn’t even have jets… it’s a TurboProp. Oh goody. I’m gonna die.

Wait… there’s more. On the way back, I said I fly through O’Hare, right? After spending 2 hours on another Regional Jet, I get to change planes at O’Hare in the middle of FRIDAY AFTERNOON RUSH HOUR, and I have one hour in which to do it. What a treat for me.

Then, when I finally get on a United Jet (Airbus A319), I get to sit in the middle seat. What a fucking joy.

At least my company stepped up into the early nineties and raised our personal vehicle mileage allowance to 30 cents a mile. Ooooo. Too bad the federal rate is something in the mid 40′s now.

I will not miss traveling with this company.

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